Jan. 5th, 2011

angelic_1: Jesus in Us (Default)
Ok, I have a big child raising problem and it is really stressing me out. The thing is, it is not a problem with my kids. Geoff and I am pretty much on track with our beliefs in child raring methods and discipline techniques. Our kids play up, like all kids, but most of the methods we are currently using seem to work. For the most part we have good, well behaved kids. Sure they push the boundaries every now and then, more often when they are tired, bored or frustrated.

My problem is with a friend of mine and her son. The son is about 2 weeks younger than Nate and basically it seems that he is the boss of his house and his mother, or at least when his Dad isn't around. This child has always been rather will-full. He wants things done his way and he will try to make everyone bend to that. This isn't uncommon in a 2 year old boy. It is a part of growing up and finding you place in the world.

I feel like this boy has been given a false sense of where he stands though. It seems like he thinks the world revolves around him and there will be hell to pay if you don't agree. Again, not uncommon. What irks me though is that nothing seems to be done about it. The child does something wrong, like hitting for example, and he is told in a pixie voice that we don't do that. He then gets upset for being told that and the mother gives him hugs and pats told it is all right. In that he has not learned the lesson that we don't hit, he has learned that if we complain enough about lessons we will get a reward of love through hugs.

If this was just a one off thing then that would be one thing but this happens about 3 times minimum every time we are together. Today he was riding on Nate's Tricycle and decided it was fun to start crashing it forcefully into the garage wall and house. I told him not to do that as I didn't want the trike damaged, or the house and garage for that matter. He got all grumpy and told his mum that he didn't like Tash saying that. His Mum gave him hugs,

Later Nate was riding on his tricycle and the boy got annoyed because he wanted to ride on it. He tried to push Nate off said trike and bully him into getting off. Nate wasn't having any of it and said loudly "No!". The child got all upset that he had not won the fight and went crying to his mother where he received further hugs and was told that it was ok. The pixie voice comes out again and he is told that it was going to be all right and Nate was having a turn now but he could have a turn later. No discipline for the bully tactics or the shoving. Attention for getting annoyed at not winning.

We then took this party into the house. I made the kids some lunch. He wasn't impressed but I didn't care. He proceeded to attempt to take all of the boys trains into the living room. I asked him not to take any more out please and said he could play with the ones he had here but to return them when he had finished playing. I am trying really hard to make the living area toy free and the kids are encouraged to play in their rooms or outside. The child got upset at me telling him he would have to put them away afterwards and upset that he would no be able ot bring more out (he had about 10 trains out). More hugs, pats and pixie words.

And for the almost final act... Nate was playing with 2 of the trains (actually a train and a boat), the child wanted those toys to play with (even though there were 8 others to choose from and one was identical to one of the ones Nate had). Nate said "No!" once more and walked away. The child tried chasing him, pushing him and bullying him in general. He also tried to snatch the trains off Nate. Remember this is at my house and the trains are actually Nate's in the first place. His Mum brings out the pixie voice again and explains that we have to share our toys and that Nate is playing with those ones right now but he could play with all these other ones. The child was not mollified. He wanted those ones and he was going to make the effort to get them. Mum tried to give him a hug to make the world better for him. The child hit Mum. Mum said no and that was that. No discipline, no consequences, nothing.

I have known this person for about 10 years. I have spent a lot of time and life with her and she is a true friend. I just do not know how to approach this whole thing. I don't actually like visiting much during child awake hours because I can't handle watching this child manipulate his way into having it all and being fully allowed my his mother. I love spending time with just the mother but I am less inclined to spend time with her son. I just don't know what to do!

I don't want to sound like I think I know it all because I don't think that at all. I don't want to criticise and bring her down either. A true friend though is supposed to advise when advise is asked for though aren't they? What does one do in this situation? How do I approach it? It is very stressful. I found myself today just wishing they would go home. That is not a fun place to be in.


angelic_1: Jesus in Us (Default)

February 2011

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